The 10 Best Horror Remakes of All Time

This Friday one of my favorite vampire movies has a remake of it hit the theaters: Fright Night (Conan: The Barbarian also hits the movies, but while it's splatter it ain't horror, and I don't think of it as a direct remake). I am not very interested or excited about said movie since the trailer is less than underwhelming. But, I heard a good review or two. I'm not sure I will be seeing anytime soon (but I do wanna see Conan!).



That being said, remakes have been an annoying trend in the genre in the last couple of years. And, while many have been truly, truly rancid (One Missed Call, Psycho, The Fog, etc.) a couple have been been great. This list showcases the very best in the remake department.



10. House of Wax (2005)- This is an interesting remake in that it takes the Gothic setting and styling of the original Vincent Price classic and completely changes it for nasty slasher film territory. It's not a better movie, but is substantially different. There are a couple of memorable moments, include some tense torture scenes. The gorgeous Elisha Cuthbert also makes for a great final girl, one of the best of the 2000s for sure. Even Paris Hilton being in this does not hurt it one bit.









9. My Bloody Valentine 3D (2009)- Taking elements of the original (which really ranks as one of the best slashers of the 80s, moreso uncut) and adding its own take, this fun and wild gorefest is one of the most rip-roaring good times movie going experiences of the last few years. The cast and everyone involved seems to be having as much fun as we are watching it. It, more or less, kicked off the 3D trend, but unlike a lot of the recent shit out there, this one works excellently in 3D. Extra points for the DVD release being in 3D (and not that over-priced real 3D shit, either).





8. I Spit on Your Grave (2010)- This one had so much going against it. From the get go I did not think a remake to a nasty, grindhouse film like this could ever work today. But, it does, and surprisingly well at that. Sure it's slicker and lacks the grittiness of the original, but it does not lack the teeth. The humiliation/ rape is still prolonged and nasty. While, the revenge scenes are shocking and gruesome. Punches ain't pulled and the acting is solid, with villains coming off as utter filth and the stunning heroine earning our sympathy. The climax will have your jaw on the floor! Honestly this movie puts the Last House on the Left remake to fucking shame!





7. Invasion of the Body Snatchers (1978)- This movie has been remade a total of four times!! The first three are solid films (the forth, er, not so much...), but, to me, this is the best take on the subject. The FX are flawless, the cast and acting excellent, and the directing top-notch. It's a little slow to start, but once it gets on track it's pretty suspenseful stuff. While, it maybe rated PG it still features some gooey and gross FX (moreso than ANY PG-13 movie of today and some R ones, as well!). Plus, the ending is fucking classic.







6. Halloween (2007)- Now, this is probably my most controversial entry in this countdown. Fans tend to either hate this one or love it. I fall in the later category. I think Zombie added an interesting take on the Myers mythos. Some may not like humanizing of him, but I think it was the right way to go. This way he does not retread territory that's been done before. When, he actually does get into remaking the original, he makes for a good time. The added more graphic violence fits the mold of this movie quite well. And, having Danielle Harris nude is nice, too! The less said of this movie's sequel, the better, though...





5. The Ring (2002)- This movie started the HORRIBLE trend of remake Japanese horror films as well cemented the annoyance of long, black-haired bitch-ghost movies. But, this one is actually that rarest of remakes, one that tops the original. I think the pacing is better here, as are the scares. It's also one of those few PG-13 horrors where the rating actually works. It's real creepy and scary, yet subtle. The lovely Ms. Watts is also a great lead in this movie. There are lots of memorable moments: the video itself, the horse, and the villainess coming out of the TV. But, once again, avoid the sequel at all costs!!!







4. Piranha 3D (2010)- If you though MBV3D was fun, then you ain't seen NOTHING yet!! Easily, THE best 3D experience, this wild, over the top remake tops the modest classic, it's based on. It's filled with blood rushing gore, black humor, cheese, a great cast, babes, and nudity. I like every single thing and frame from this movie. I am actually looking forward to the sequel to this one! The movie ripping it off/ cashing in on it (Shark Night 3D), eh, not so much...







3. The Blob (1988)- This long time favorite of mine simply blows the likable original out of the theater. It has some solid acting and spectacular gore FX. Shit, a kid even dies in it! Yet, it is never mean-spirited and always, always fun. It works in that Aliens sort of mode where action, sci-fi, and horror meld perfectly. Plus, Shawnee Smith looks sooo delicious in it! Cannot begin to tell you the crush I developed on her after this movie. It was a bomb when it came out, but due to fan and critic love, it when on the become a classic. An awesome movie all the way!!!







2. The Thing (1982)- John Carpenter's classic was also a bomb when it came out. But, since then this claustrophobic classic has been worshiped by fans all over the world. It would make for a perfect marathon with the aforementioned The Blob and Aliens. In fact, I think I need to do that one of these days!! Anyway, Bottin's FX are flawless, and Keith David and Kurt Russel are just awesome in it. So is the rest of the cast. That said the reremake coming out later this year seems positively uninteresting...





1. The Fly (1986)- David Cronenberg's masterpiece tops the list. It's always been my fav remake and will probably always be. Adding emotion and heart to the story and combining it with excellent acting and flawless FX make for a perfect film. The gore is gruesome and the score is classic. It also happens to be THE best beauty and the beast tale, since the original King Kong. Cronenberg's best movie is one that will always have a special place in my heart.









So, those are my choices. I really had to think about this one long and hard, but I soon found myself connecting with I ended up picking. Now, I'm curious. What are your thoughts on my list? What would have ranked?

Duff's Peter Steele/ Halloween Honoring/ Celebration 2010

This Sunday marked my first time not going to Chiller in ages. In fact, I cannot remember the last I did not go there. For those of you readers and friends, who were there, I would love to hear how it was. I hope you guys who went there had a great time.

Anyways, I went to THE greatest bar on God's green Earth on Halloween night: Duff's Brooklyn!!!! I had decided to spend my Halloween there, and when I heard that they were doing something special to honor Peter Steele, the late lead signer of the legendary goth metal band Type O Negative, I had to go there. He passed away earlier this year.

Anyways, I first needed a costume and after much consideration I came up with: Zombie Guido!! He once known as the G-Man, and he was quite the ladies man. But, one night a certain cast member of the Jersey Shore wanted some, "Smoosh, smoosh", but our hero (who can do so much better) refused and got his throat slit. But, he rose from the grave in search of GTL (gym, tan, and laundry) and human flesh! Yeah, in other words I had way to much spare time to come up with this! :P

Anyways, as I got there, at first I thought I was the only person who had a costume, but soon others joined in/ appeared. Bar tender Laurie Ann, aka LA, grew an eight pack (better than a six pack!) for the event. There were lots of cool costumes, but I have to say that my fav was this dude who came in as Kiss guitarist Ace Frehley! That's just so fucking cool, man!

As is always the case with Duffs I ran into people I already knew and made new friends.

This being a night for Peter Steele, their were some noteworthy people there, too. His sister was there as was former porn star, ex-ECW star Jasmine St. Claire.

Now, this was not the big tribute to Steele; they originally mentioned it to be. They ain't ready for that yet, but they played his music most of the night, and we, his fans, remembered his greatness. I had been a fan since I was a teen and read about them in metal mags. When, I saw the cover to Bloody Kisses I had to get. It remains one of my fav albums. I had the pleasure ot meet him at the old Duff's some years back, and he was a funny, nice guy. As I said before, it was so sad when he passed away. I think my friend said ii beat when I saw her in Vegas in July, and she called them life changing music. Amen, sister, amen.

Anyways, I had a great time, and I hope you had a great Halloween, too. Remember it only comes once a year (though for some of us it's Halloween year round, but you get the idea), so hope you fuckin' enjoy it, the right way! And, if you wanna see more pics, go to my facebook. I got lots, there.

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Joanna Angel Talks Horror Movies on G4′s Attack of the Show

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Horror Viewings for October 2010

Like last last year, I wanna tell you what horror flicks I've watched this month, so far. Maybe it'll help you decide what to watch, or not watch, this month for your Halloween viewings. As always, I wanna know what you been watching, or what you think I/ others should be watching.

- I saw this one at the Big Apple Con with my friend Kristie. The lovely Diora Baird presented it, and I was very surprised with how good it turned out to be. It's a direct sequel to the original, but with a different cast playing the returning characters. Regardless, the acting is solid, and the movie is very exciting opting to go more in an action film vein. The gore is also quite awesome, and the attractive female cast make it all worth seeing.




- By and far the best of shaky cam horror, this intense horror movie is worth all the good things that have been said about. Strong acting and an ever increasing nail-biting sense of suspense and terror highlight this Spanish terror film, at it's very best. And, don't bother with the unneeded, lame American remake Quarantine.






A Serbian Film- This vile movie manages to shock and offend even me. Anyone who knows or reads this blog should that is no mean feet. Retired porn star is asked to make one more movie. But, said film features necrophilia, rape, incest, and, worst of all, pedophilia. The vile use of kids pushes this one to the limits of acceptability. Problem is that works only as a freak show and has no real redeem value to it. A hard film to sit through this is NOT for everyone. Only see it if you know what are getting yourself into and are sure you can deal with it. Not legally available in the US, you will have to opt for, "other" methods to see it.

- Watched it on my newly bought blu-ray. Gorezone review coming soon. When, it's up I'll post it here.









- Kick ass, gory slasher pays loving tribute to the stalk and slash films of yesteryear. Excellent splat FX and good acting help this one really stand on its own. The characters are likable, and you actually give a shit what happens to them! The killer, Chrome Skull, is fucking badass. And, the babes are really hot! A must see for fans of this kind of movie if you ain't done so yet. A sequel is being made by the movie's writer/ director, Robert Hall. It will feature porn babe and one of this blog's most beloved babes, Angelina Armani. Awesome fucking news in my book!



- A true classic. I talked about this one here before, so need to say anything else, other than I love it!







- Terrible Rosemary's Baby rip-off commits THE worst sin of all: it's fucking boring!!! Nothing happens in this shit eating waste of celluloid. Heather Graham looks beautiful (even knocked up), but even she don't make this shit worth sitting through.






- I rewatched the extended cut, my fav version of this classic. That's my fav version of this movie, by the way. My third most watched movie of all time. This fucker rules, but if your a true horror fan, then you already knew that!







- I saw this one last night. Is this better than the other two shitty American movies? I guess it is. But, by now means does this make it a good film. Still, there is worse shit out there. But, that's faint praise. On, the bright side it does have the beautiful Shawnee Smith in it. Also, the Japanese actress in it is GORGEOUS! Still, it reaches new levels of shitdom when the ending comes. Should you see this? Eh, probably not. But, hey at least it's better than Blessed....



Well, that's it for now. I hope you all have a safe and Happy Halloween!
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Music Mix: Horrorween 2010

Woohoo! It's my fav time of the year: HALLOWEEN!!! And, like I did last year I give to you a soundtrack to this THE greatest holiday in the whole fucking world! Once again I give you bands and/ or songs that best capture it. There are songs about some of horror's greatest villains and movies, Satan, evil, death, and things that are just plain creepy.

You can raise the dead with this mix by downloading it from here: http://www.4shared.com/file/-z-l4mli/Horrorween_2010.html

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Now playing: W.A.S.P. - Scream Until You Like It
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The A-Zs of Horror, Pt. 1 (A-M)

Alphabetizing is fun! And educational, as well! I love horror movies and know that many of you do, too! Baring that in mind, I give to you a list to that is sure to be an instructive and important part of your day! Maybe of your life! Here's the first half:

A is for ALIENS- In horror movies, aliens never want to be our friends. Nope. Instead, they can start as an egg laid by their giant queen mommy which has a crab like critter that comes out and then sticks to your face after which it lays another egg down your throat that grows and bursts out of your chest then grows up to be a monster with acid blood that has a second mouth inside it's own mouth that rips through your skull, or he might be a hunter from another world, or they may wanna turn us into food (be it cotton candy, fast food, etc!), or they maybe slugs that possess us or reanimate the dead, or it might be a being that can copy other living things, or... well, you get the idea!


B is for BLOOD- Blood and gore has been in horror movies for many years, now. Hammer studios were one of the first to flirt with it, but it was HG Lewis' cult favorites like Blood Feast and Two Thousand Maniacs that gave our earliest taste of extreme gore. Meanwhile, George Romero's Night of the Living Dead bought it to the mainstream. Since, then movies, and just horror films, have been spilling the red stuff, and making us gorehounds very happy!

C is for CANNIBALS- One of the most extreme sub-genres in the horror film, cannibal movies can be pretty rough to watch. From the extreme (Cannibal Ferox, Jungle Holocaust, and, of course, the classic Cannibal Holocaust) to the erotic (?!) (Emmanuelle and the Last Cannibals) to the rather silly and fun (Zombie Holocaust, which has three things listed here!), most of them came from Italy. American movies can have cannibals too as Ravenous proves or the most famous cannibals of all, Hannibal Lector and a dude and his family from Texas.




D is for DRACULA- The most famous of all blood-suckers was born in Bram Stoker's classic novel. Bela Lugosi gave the first official movie performance based on it. And, while a million movies have been made about Drac and tons of guys played him since then; Christopher Lee remains THE definitive portrayal of the most famous of all vampires.







E is for ENTITY- An entity is a spirit, but few are as evil and perverse as the one in the movie of the same name. It stars Barbara Hershey as a woman repeatedly raped by the unseen force in graphic and horrifying scenes. Supposedly based on a true story, this underrated movie has one vile fucking ghost.







F is for FREDDY KRUEGER- A child killer is burned alive by parents pissed at him being let go by the court system. He becomes something much worse, as he kills teens in their sleep. The best of the slasher villains Freddy is one of horrordom's greatest, most evil, and most entertaining baddies. Plus, he surely helps coffee stock go up!







G is for GODZILLA- The first movie (Gojria) was meant to signify the horrors of nuclear warfare. The King of the Monsters would go to play villain and hero in many movies after that. He battled the army and both good and evil monsters. To this very day, he reigns supreme and keeps his crown. For no monster can ever be as great as the big G!!!!!!!!!!



H is for HALLOWEEN- Of course, it's every horror fans favorite holiday, but it is also the name of John Carpenter's classic, that would inspire many a rip-off, sequel, and remake. It also gave us Michael Myers, perhaps the scariest of all slasher villains. Pure evil, Myers does not seem to love his family very much (like his sisters, niece, etc) or anyone else for that matter. But, at least we know he is always busy on this holiday! Though, that's probably not a good thing for those living in Haddonfield... Which also begins with the letter H! Double score!




I is for ICHI THE KILLER- This ultra-violent modern classic by shockmaster Takashi Miike this ranks as one of this best films. It also happens to be one of his most extreme. And, coming from him that is saying A LOT! At times, it is funny, but other times it is damn fucked up. The nipple slicing scene ranks as one of cinema's most shocking and hard to watch moments. Ichi, himself, is one of the most insane and fucked up characters in all of filmdom. A perfect example of why I love Asian cinema so much.

J is for JASON VOORHEES- The unstoppable killer of Camp Crystal Lake drowned as a child, but when he saw his revenge seeking mom get her head lopped off, he came back to exact murderous vengeance on all who come to the infamous camp. The best reason to never go into the woods can never die. He also does not approve of you having premarital sex or doing drugs. Talk about being a party pooper!



K is for KING KONG- It's one of the finest, if not in fact the finest, giant monster movie ever made. But, the character himself a giant ape with a thing for hot human chicks. That usually leads to bad things happening to him, but hey that's what you get when you think with your other head! Kong would go on to battle Godzilla and even his own evil robot double, as well as being remade twice. Plus, he even had a kid in a terrible, terrible sequel. Will Kong ever return again? Who knows. Just remember when he does he will surely kidnap a hot chick and take her on a date to the top of a building! Now is that not romantic?

L is for LESBIAN VAMPIRES- That most favorite of exploitation subgenres, has been with us for quite a few years now. Jean Rollin is the most prolific filmmaker to go down this route, while Hammer has done a few of their own, including the wonderful The Vampire Lovers. But, Vampyres remains the best of them all. Since, then DTV movies have inundated the market with lots of cheap-o softcore material. For an endless list of rugmuncher bloodsucker movies, try Seduction Cinema. Also, of note is that this type of movie will give you wood, and I don't mean the kind that you drive into the heart of the undead (unless that is you thing, in which case, goddamn you're a sick, wierdo!)

M is for MAD SCIENTISTS- They're geniuses, and they are crazy. They make living beings out of dead body parts, or re-animate corpses, or they try to explore other dimensions that make your pineal gland grow and turn you into a monster, or they connect you ass to mouth with two others to make a human centipede! In other words, they do NOT make science fun for you. But, they do remind you that science geek in class could have the ability to make zombies. So, leave him the fuck alone!


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Chiller Theatre Halloween 2009

This Halloween 2009, Alan, Pat, and I went to the Chiller Theatre Convention. We were unsure about how a Chiller on Halloween would be. But, guess what? This was one of the best Chillers, I been to in a long time. It fucking owned!

The first celeb I met was the very cute Danielle Harris of Halloween 4, Halloween 5, and Rob Zombie's Halloween I and II. I actually met her years ago at a Fango show. But, alas back then I had a regular camera and the film got all fucked up. So, I saw this as a chance to get a new pic with her and get more signatures on my Halloween DVD . Danielle is such a cutie! I love her!

I then met Traci Brooks. I been a long time fan of the TNA beauty, but when I saw her person, I was like, wow! I mean she is even hotter in person ! Turns out she is a big fan of horror movies and Rob Zombie, too. That only makes her more awesome in my eyes! She signed a pic for me.

Next up was Josie Lee. Now, I met her last year, but I like buying and getting DVDs signed by her, so I figured I would meet her again. She is always so sweet, personable, and friendly that combing that with her exquisite beauty always makes it a true pleasure to see her. Her costume was a character from one of my fav comic books of back in the day, Danger Girl, by the way.

The one person I was most excited to meet was the lovely Tia Carrere. I been a fan for a long, long time. And, being that she was one of the biggest stars at this Chiller, I thought for sure she would charge a lot. But, guess what? She only charged 20 bucks for a pic and picture with her! This pic is from one of the first video games to feature stars in it. Tia was very cool in person and is still very beautiful.

Alan went up to Elvira, who still looks great, by the way.

Aside, from the stuff I got signed I bought: Onechanbara, 42nd St. Forever Vol. 2: The Duece, and The Butcher (the new Korean film) which at 20 bucks came with Shutter (the original), R-Point, and Princess on DVD and poster of The Butcher, itself! This makes it THE deal of the day!

Later, it was time for the party. For the first time, ever, I decided to wear a mask. I was Rey Mysterio! I was pleasantly surprised to see what a great reaction it got from everyone. But, more on that later. Alan was a luchador, too. While, Pat was Hannibal Lector and, of course, Dr. Satan!

There were more costumes than I seen in a long time! But, the best one was Chewbaca, and not just cause I am a massive Star Wars fan. Nope, I mean look at how fucking cool it looked!

There were other cool costumes like: Gene Simmons , alien/ zombie/ space dude , Bill Compton (which I flipped out over, being such a HUGE fan of True Blood and all) , my friend Victor as zombie Michael Jackson , the new Michael Myers , the Energizer Bunny , and this cat babe , who has to be one of the most beautiful women I seen all day.

As I said before, I got great reaction from people as in regards to my Rey Mysetrio mask. Even, the wrestling girls (Tara, Traci Brooks, and Dawn Marie, who joined them later at the party) loved it. Although, they told me I was too tall to be Rey! But, I got some great pics with Tara: All of the girls were so sweet and cool, that I just became ever bigger fans of theirs! One of the things that I thought was coolest was that even a little kid wanted a pic with me! I promise you that Rey will return to Chiller! By the way, I ran into the beautiful Josie Lee at the party, too!

All the bands that played were great. I really enjoyed The Undead. They kicked total ass, and I got to tell them that they did, later that night.

Well, we drank, partied, and had a great fucking time. This was just such an AMAZING Chiller. A great way to spend Halloween. But, I leave you now, with the last pic of the night, me and the hottie cop chick . Arrest me, please! I been very bad!

Till the next Chiller!!!!!!!!!

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