Some Love for Jason on this Friday the 13th

Ahh, it's Friday the 13th, dear friends and readers! And, to me and many fans, it means that it's time to show some love for one of the greatest horror villains, ever, Jason Voorhees!

I've given tons of love for the series, in the past, including reviewing just about the whole franchise. But, this time I just wanna throw-out some random thoughts and love for it.

The first one I ever watched was Friday the 13th pt. VII: The New Blood, as a kid, on video. I fell in love with the series right then and there! Admit ably, the movie is sort of brain-dead, but it is fun. Plus, I developed a total crush on it's heroine Tina (Lar-Park Lincoln) and the bitchy Melissa (Susan Jennifer Sullivan). While, Lincoln did other films and TV and does cons, many wonder what has happened to Sullivan. Man, she was such a babe!

The best entry is still the original, which also happens to be one of the finest slasher movies, ever made. The ending is still totally killer after all these years. The worst? Easy. Jason Takes Manhattan, the eighth one in the series. But, it does have it's moments, including a dude who boxes Jason, a blonde babe who marks all her best parts for her teacher, Jason actually being in NYC, and the GORGEOUS Kelly Hu! It's still shit, though.
Jason's look always changed, but from the awesome Jason Lives (the 6th entry) and beyond, he was pretty much a zombie. The aforementioned New Blood had the best Jason look, while Jason Takes Manhattan had his lamest look. And, his lamest death! Death by toxic waste? What the fuck? So, we can beat him by sending him to a New Jersey dump?! =\ His best death scene? To me, it is his slide down the machete and the further chopping with it by Corey Feldman in the fourth entry, The Final Chapter.

The series has always had a it's share of hotties, both victims and heroines. Aside, from the aforementioned honies, who doesn't love Part 2's Kirsten Baker's ass or the 4th flick's twins? As far as final girls go, part five's Melanie Kinnamon is my all time favorite. She's so beautiful! Though, as far as spunkyness goes, Amy Steel from 2 is awesome! And, cute, too!

Finally, we all lover the kills and gore, don't we? Whether it's an ax to the face, arrow through the neck, sliced in half, bashed against a tree, frozen and shattered face, etc. We watch these movies for the gore, no doubt!

And, so today I say enjoy this day with your friend from Camp Crystal Lake!

----------------
Now playing: Guns N' Roses - Sweet Child O' Mine
via FoxyTunes

Toy Fair 2011: The Final Chapter- The NECA Report

This is my final report on the 2011 Toy Fair for the Gorezone.net. And, I think I saved the best for last! It's all on NECA toys, and they had some of the best stuff at the show!

You can read it here: http://www.gorezone.net/news.html. It is under the April 10, 2011 news. Once it leaves there you can find it in the archives section under the same date.

I hope you guys enjoyed all my Toy Fair reports; I hope to be there next year, again!

Toy Fair 2011 Report, Pt. 2

The next part of my Toy Fair report. Go here to read it: http://www.gorezone.net/news.html After a few days it goes to the archives section, where it will stay for three months.

----------------
Now playing: Deicide - The Stench Of Redemption
via FoxyTunes

The A-Zs of Horror, Pt. 1 (A-M)

Alphabetizing is fun! And educational, as well! I love horror movies and know that many of you do, too! Baring that in mind, I give to you a list to that is sure to be an instructive and important part of your day! Maybe of your life! Here's the first half:

A is for ALIENS- In horror movies, aliens never want to be our friends. Nope. Instead, they can start as an egg laid by their giant queen mommy which has a crab like critter that comes out and then sticks to your face after which it lays another egg down your throat that grows and bursts out of your chest then grows up to be a monster with acid blood that has a second mouth inside it's own mouth that rips through your skull, or he might be a hunter from another world, or they may wanna turn us into food (be it cotton candy, fast food, etc!), or they maybe slugs that possess us or reanimate the dead, or it might be a being that can copy other living things, or... well, you get the idea!


B is for BLOOD- Blood and gore has been in horror movies for many years, now. Hammer studios were one of the first to flirt with it, but it was HG Lewis' cult favorites like Blood Feast and Two Thousand Maniacs that gave our earliest taste of extreme gore. Meanwhile, George Romero's Night of the Living Dead bought it to the mainstream. Since, then movies, and just horror films, have been spilling the red stuff, and making us gorehounds very happy!

C is for CANNIBALS- One of the most extreme sub-genres in the horror film, cannibal movies can be pretty rough to watch. From the extreme (Cannibal Ferox, Jungle Holocaust, and, of course, the classic Cannibal Holocaust) to the erotic (?!) (Emmanuelle and the Last Cannibals) to the rather silly and fun (Zombie Holocaust, which has three things listed here!), most of them came from Italy. American movies can have cannibals too as Ravenous proves or the most famous cannibals of all, Hannibal Lector and a dude and his family from Texas.




D is for DRACULA- The most famous of all blood-suckers was born in Bram Stoker's classic novel. Bela Lugosi gave the first official movie performance based on it. And, while a million movies have been made about Drac and tons of guys played him since then; Christopher Lee remains THE definitive portrayal of the most famous of all vampires.







E is for ENTITY- An entity is a spirit, but few are as evil and perverse as the one in the movie of the same name. It stars Barbara Hershey as a woman repeatedly raped by the unseen force in graphic and horrifying scenes. Supposedly based on a true story, this underrated movie has one vile fucking ghost.







F is for FREDDY KRUEGER- A child killer is burned alive by parents pissed at him being let go by the court system. He becomes something much worse, as he kills teens in their sleep. The best of the slasher villains Freddy is one of horrordom's greatest, most evil, and most entertaining baddies. Plus, he surely helps coffee stock go up!







G is for GODZILLA- The first movie (Gojria) was meant to signify the horrors of nuclear warfare. The King of the Monsters would go to play villain and hero in many movies after that. He battled the army and both good and evil monsters. To this very day, he reigns supreme and keeps his crown. For no monster can ever be as great as the big G!!!!!!!!!!



H is for HALLOWEEN- Of course, it's every horror fans favorite holiday, but it is also the name of John Carpenter's classic, that would inspire many a rip-off, sequel, and remake. It also gave us Michael Myers, perhaps the scariest of all slasher villains. Pure evil, Myers does not seem to love his family very much (like his sisters, niece, etc) or anyone else for that matter. But, at least we know he is always busy on this holiday! Though, that's probably not a good thing for those living in Haddonfield... Which also begins with the letter H! Double score!




I is for ICHI THE KILLER- This ultra-violent modern classic by shockmaster Takashi Miike this ranks as one of this best films. It also happens to be one of his most extreme. And, coming from him that is saying A LOT! At times, it is funny, but other times it is damn fucked up. The nipple slicing scene ranks as one of cinema's most shocking and hard to watch moments. Ichi, himself, is one of the most insane and fucked up characters in all of filmdom. A perfect example of why I love Asian cinema so much.

J is for JASON VOORHEES- The unstoppable killer of Camp Crystal Lake drowned as a child, but when he saw his revenge seeking mom get her head lopped off, he came back to exact murderous vengeance on all who come to the infamous camp. The best reason to never go into the woods can never die. He also does not approve of you having premarital sex or doing drugs. Talk about being a party pooper!



K is for KING KONG- It's one of the finest, if not in fact the finest, giant monster movie ever made. But, the character himself a giant ape with a thing for hot human chicks. That usually leads to bad things happening to him, but hey that's what you get when you think with your other head! Kong would go on to battle Godzilla and even his own evil robot double, as well as being remade twice. Plus, he even had a kid in a terrible, terrible sequel. Will Kong ever return again? Who knows. Just remember when he does he will surely kidnap a hot chick and take her on a date to the top of a building! Now is that not romantic?

L is for LESBIAN VAMPIRES- That most favorite of exploitation subgenres, has been with us for quite a few years now. Jean Rollin is the most prolific filmmaker to go down this route, while Hammer has done a few of their own, including the wonderful The Vampire Lovers. But, Vampyres remains the best of them all. Since, then DTV movies have inundated the market with lots of cheap-o softcore material. For an endless list of rugmuncher bloodsucker movies, try Seduction Cinema. Also, of note is that this type of movie will give you wood, and I don't mean the kind that you drive into the heart of the undead (unless that is you thing, in which case, goddamn you're a sick, wierdo!)

M is for MAD SCIENTISTS- They're geniuses, and they are crazy. They make living beings out of dead body parts, or re-animate corpses, or they try to explore other dimensions that make your pineal gland grow and turn you into a monster, or they connect you ass to mouth with two others to make a human centipede! In other words, they do NOT make science fun for you. But, they do remind you that science geek in class could have the ability to make zombies. So, leave him the fuck alone!


----------------
Now playing: Sister Sin - On Parole
via FoxyTunes

Spotlight on: FRIDAY THE 13TH

So this Friday the 13th marks the return of Jason Voorhees in the remake/ reboot/ reimagining/ rewhatever the fuck they are calling it of Friday the 13th. I will try to see it on Saturday, but I should remind you that this is made by the guy who did the Texas Chainsaw remake and that was mediocre. Still, I will try to give it a shot. That said, I am a huge fan of Jason and the Friday the 13th movies, and so, I give you mini-reviews of the whole entire series. As an added bonus, I pick my fav death from each film.

All reviews out of 4 stars.

- Years ago a couple were killed at Camp Crystal Lake, but they are gonna reopen it. Soon, one by one the teens at the camp begin to die horribly. Who is killing them?
This movie was a smash hit, upon it's release. And, while mainstream critics hated it, fans ate it up. Today considered a classic, it is often immediated never equaled. It is one of the best slasher movies, ever. It has tight, suspenseful directing by Sean Cunningham. The acting is good, and unlike the films that would follow it, the characters are likable. The FX work by Savini is amazing, and the ending is one of the best in any genre.
BEST DEATH: Kevin Bacon getting the arrow through his neck. Even cooler in the new unrated cut that recently hit DVD.
Rating: ****

- Having witnessed his mom lose her head in the first one Jason, now grown up, begins to kill some new victims.
In this one he wears a sack, not the hokey mask, but I think this is a creeper look for Jason. While the film is cliched, it is entertaining, and pretty Amy Steel is one of the best heroines in the series. The acting is really good, too, by all involved. Too bad, the MPAA BUTCHERED this film, and thus the violent murders end up lacking bite. Still, worth seeing, though.
BEST DEATH: The lovers getting impaled while fucking by our hero.
RATING: ***

- Taking place right after the last installment, Jason slaughters more kids. Oh, and get his infamous hokey mask! Score!
This one was originally released in 3-D and, finally Paramount has given us a a 3-D DVD! While, the movie takes some time to get started and some of the characters are sort of annoying, the 3-D FX rock. And, the climax is one of the best in the entire series. The girls are hot, too. In 3-D this is one of the best in the entire series. Without it, not so much...
BEST DEATH: Dude walks on his hands, and Jason hacks him from the crotch to his body. Fucking killer!
Rating (in 3-D): ***
in 2-D: **

- Jason is thought dead after the last one, but he escapes the morgue and kills more teens. But, a young horror fan aims to put an end to Jason's reign of terror.
One of the best and bloodiest entries in the series, this one introduced protagonist Tommy Jarvis (Corey Feldmen). It's a well directed movie, with some amazing splatter work by Savini. There is also a lot of HOT chicks in this one, including Kimberly Beck, as the lead, and the smoking hot twins. To top that off, the climax is exciting and Jason's death scene is his best in the whole series. Check out that slide down the machete! A kick ass gory slasher, that is of course, NOT the final chapter!
BEST DEATH: Aside form Jason's it has to be the pervert morgue worker who gets his throat slashed with a bone saw, then gets his head twisted! Nasty!
RATING: ***

- Tommy is older, now, and haunted by Jason. When, new murders begin to happen at the psychiatric ward, is it Jason or someone else?
Some hate this one cause it is not Jason that kills, but an imitator. But, give this one another look. Sure some of it is intentionally funny, but it is also really mean spirited and violent. Hacked by the MPAA, this one still hits well. It also has my fav of all the Friday heroines, in the form of the ravishing Melanie Kinnaman. She is a total babe!
BEST DEATH: The hottie with the nice rack, played by a babe whose actual name is, wait for it... Debi Sue Voorhees, getting her eyes cut with garden sheers! Fucking awesome and brutal!
RATING: ***

- Still haunted Tommy leaves the ward and heads to make sure Jason is dead. Thing is he reanimates him in the process. Doh! And, now we get the ever cool zombie Jason!
This is THE best sequel in the series. Directed and written with a great sense of humor, this is a fun, kick ass movie. The beginning is one of the best in any slasher film. Zombie Jason looks so fucking cool. Tommy Jarvis is a great foil to him, and Jennifer Cooke is one of the sexiest heroines in the series. There is also cool music by Alice Cooper. A truly nifty and fun movie experience, even with the pussy MPAA killing the gore.
BEST DEATH: Horshcak form Welcome Back, Kotter gets his heart ripped out by Jason!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
RATING: ***1/2

- Jason is back, but this time a beautiful babe, Tina (Lar Park Lincoln) with psychic powers battles him.
While sort of braindead, this is a fun movie that tries to add something new to the formula. Sadly, this is the most butchered film by the MPAA. The cool gore scenes are completely turned wimpy, due to lack of blood. Despite, that this movie holds a special place in my heart. Jason has never looked cooler, and Lincoln and Susan Jennifer Sullivan (as mega-bitch Melissa) are childhood crushes. On top of that the climax where Tina and Jason battle is fucking awesome. Plus, this is the movie where Kane Hodder took over the role of that Voorhees kid.
BEST DEATH: Pretty but mean Melissa gets an axe in her cute face thanks to our favorite zombie momma's boy.
RATING: **1/2

- After awakening from his watery grave he got from the last film, Jason hops on a boat that goes from Camp Crystal Lake to Manhattan, NY (huh?! how's that even possible?!)!
Without a shadow of a doubt the worst in the series, this movie is stupid and idiotic. It takes an hour for him to get to New York, and then he only spend ten minutes in Times Square! On top of that the movie is the most bloodless entry in the series. A truly pusssified version of our beloved slasher! The heroine is also the most annoying in the whole series! Even though one of the most beautiful women on God's green Earth, Kelly Hu, who has an early role in it, this film still blows. Shit, not even the naked blonde's body can save it!
BEST DEATH: One of the few cool moments has Jason battle a boxer and punch his head off!
RATING: *1/2

- Jason is back at Camp Crystal Lake, where he gets blown up. But, his evil cannot die, and he begins to possess people. This time though, there maybe a way to send him to hell, once and for all.
By now, we know, this did not kill him either! But, but to me the problem is the fact that this film blatantly rip-offs horror/ sci-fi/ action hybrid, The Hidden. That film is much better, but JGTH is not without merit. This is the bloodiest film in the series. The acting and FX are good, and there are enough pretty babes to please the eyes. An enjoyable, if flawed sequel.
BEST DEATH: The hot babe riding her boyfriend, who gets ripped in half by a spike and splatters all over her boyfriend. Gruesome, even more so in the unrated cut.
RATING: **1/2

- Taking place in the future (hence after the next installment, Freddy Vs. Jason), this one has Jason being cryonically frozen alone with a sexy government research, only to be awakened even more in the future, as in 2455! There he begins his next killing spree.
The best entry in a while, this one of the best sequels, period. There is some good acting, kick ass FX, amazing gore, great humor, and hot, hot babes! Kane is fucking awesome as Jason, and Lexa Doig is THE hottest heroine since Lar Park Lincoln. Jason's battle with sexy android Kay-EM 14 is a highlight, as is Ubber-Jason. A great time to be had, I simply love this one!
BEST DEATH: The super beautiful blonde who gets her face frozen, then smashed! So cool and innovative!
RATING: ***

- Taking place between JGTH and JX, Jason is still in hell, and so is Freddy (who died in Freddys Dead: The Final Nightmare). The kids in Elm Street no longer believe in him, so he uses Jason to make them fear him and regain his power. But, when these titans of terror clash who will win? And, who will survive?
It took years to finally mae this one. and it has it's flaws (why is Hodder not playing Jason?!), but it really is a fun movie. My second favorite sequel, this one has great effects and a KILLER climax. It is also exceptionally gory. The final battle between the two is worth the price of viewing it, alone.
BEST DEATH: Jason stabs a dude with his machete, then folds the bed breaking the guy in half. Impressive!
RATING: ***1/2

Enjoy this Friday the 13th. By the way, any of you going to see the remake? Tell me what you think of it. Oh, and beware of JASON VOORHEES!!!!!

----------------
Now playing: The Misfits - 20 Eyes
via FoxyTunes

What I Have Learned About Traveling thanx to Horror and Explotation Films

While, horror and explotation films are full of the stuff you expect them to be, what you may not know is the fact that they teach us about travel! Really! Here are some chioce spots that I have learned to either aviod or visit thanx these films:

The Woods/ Camping- So, according to films like Friday the 13th, The Evil Dead, Sleepaway Camp, The Blair Witch Project, and Cabin Fever, we should never go camping or to the woods. Think about it. You might encounter crazy machete wielding women, their unstoppable psycho-hokey mask wearing son , get possessed by demons, a crazy transsexual , an evil old witch, or some foul flesh disease! Not only that but sex is a bad idea, cause even if the chick is smoking hot, you will fucking die! Bummer, man! To make a long story short, don't go to the woods or camp!

Japan- Seemingly Japan suffers a lot of attacks by giant monsters . I mean they fight and thrash the city and probably kill lots of people along the way. But, on the other side, films like The Machine Girl and Yo-Yo Girl Cop (not really an exploitation film but certainly a cult film) prove to me that I need to go there cause there is a shitload of hot chicks . So, i think I will risk the giant monsters and just go check out the hot babes!

Texas- Really, man, this is the last place you want your car to breakdown when heading out with your girl and/ or friends. Cause if this happens to you and your bros, a family of cannibals , including a dude who wears a mask made of human flesh who wields a chainsaw will catch you, kill you, and, possibly, eat you! Fucked up! Unless, of course, your goal in life is to be some chili!

That's it for now! In the future, I will review other travel spots based on what I have learned from watching way to many DVDs!