Found Wanting

Why would you want me… this is my question to you and yet to myself the questions fall like rain; who am I, what am I doing, but probably more than who, is the what am I. In answering these questions for myself I can very easily answer the question posed to you in fact I could give you that answer now but why spoil it.

Who am I, what I would like to say is I am Will, Le Marquis de Joker, and maybe even the man of your dreams but these are simply making the best of a bad situation, making myself “bigger” than what I am or most importantly making myself happy; the truth is I’m Willie Bradford Jr. What am I doing, I’m trying to get a girlfriend, trying to win you, so how’s that going so far; see I can lie but I don’t like to so I’m telling you the truth and the truth is we will never be together. What am I, as much as I hate saying it I’m a human boy, not much of a man even at twenty-six, what I would like to be is more; more than what I am I just haven’t decided what that is to be, more human, more god, hell you’re here more evil…

So to my original question why would you want me, if I was who I pretended to be… well speaking as Le Marquis de Joker I model myself after Marquis de Sade and that is not a good thing. I can tell you my words have won many a girl… for the other guy as for what I’m doing with these words as far as everyone is concerned, maybe even you I am wasting my time amongst other things. What I am is what you want me to be; the last girl I ever loved taught me this and I might tell you about her sometime.

Now I could go on and on about who, what, and what but I suppose I have kept you in suspense long enough about your answer. Why would you want me… you couldn’t, you shouldn’t, and you wouldn’t ever want me but here I am trying anyway; how’s that not confident?

Ok so now why would I want you… because I’m the “Big Bad Wolf” okay being honest if anything I don’t want to be alone anymore but there has to be more to it right?

I want you because you’re beautiful, I mean you would have to be and I still wouldn’t talk to you because I would just be too shy. Now you see my picture up there so who am I to ask for someone beautiful; maybe too much Star Trek, I mean the more alien you are the hotter your girl, now a human always ends up with the hottest chick (unless you’re Captain Sisko) and so you see my conundrum at being human. You could call me shallow but I do love beautiful girls, just take a look around here and someday I might show you a picture of the last girl I loved; I swear I did not know what beauty was before her.

Not to sound like Winston Smith from “1984” but I want a girl that can be as evil as I want to be, naughty, corrupted, and dirty, not slutty but with a slutty tendencies. I want a girl that looks at this face, this blog, and my world and never wants to leave; a girl I could make naughty movies with, do in a dressing room, and would lie with me in the woods without a stitch on.

Most of all I want you to love me… now this would be one long conversation which I hope to get to but for you to love me and mean it. You have to make me as happy as I want to make you, again a long conversation but you see the face and if you have been paying attention I would do anything to make you happy, anything to be with you. I want you to believe in me; next to love that would perhaps be the second greatest thing any girl, any woman could do for me and of course it has never happened before.

Why do I want you… because man was not meant to do this alone, I’m lonely, and because I truly believe no one has ever loved me before and I fear no one ever will; I want someone to love and love me, what I want is you.