Lesson 115 ~Hanging In Heaven~

Sunday, July 24, 2011

Hey Lady Lu...
As you can see I’m “Mr. Brightside” today; if anything my world going to Hell in five minutes theory is holding up. It was plenty quiet around here until yesterday; if it wasn’t for Braxton I surely would have met my end sometime last week… well anyway I hoped so.

At the moment it’s “Hide and Seek” though my sister has seen me but I think she has headed back to school; she gets a college education while all I have been asking for since middle school is a bullet to the brain. I know Luna, you want to know why I’m more suicidal than usual; it’s like that feeling of seeing zombies and fearing you will become one of them. When I was big on Chrissy it was like being dead and then being resurrected in love, “When You Were Young” right? The Abomination and everyone else comes walking through the door and suddenly I’m overwhelmed with hatred for myself and ever since I have been waiting as always, not for death but the torture to resume.

Do you have any idea what it’s like to actually want to live and then knowing you have to die; I say I’m suicidal but I don’t have the means or a whole lot of will, so what is left for me but death? “Mad World” where without family, without some girl’s love, and living for nothing was my idea of paradise. Of course I love Braxton Lady Luna but I was never quite able to escape this want of death and again I will have no choice in the matter soon.

If I have learned anything from the past week is that I must learn to make paradise more permanent; more pills, I can always starve myself more; hell finally jump off the damn cliff. For a final thought, Hell’s awfully hot this time of year and Heaven is much too cold; no Luna this isn’t purgatory I’m just looking for something just right, instead of Hanging In Heaven.

LATE

~Hanging In Heaven~

Beauty
And I’m not a pervert
Or a monster
Some criminal

Just staring
Caring
No I’m not sharing

Voices
And I’m not deaf
Unsympathetic
Just loud

Some peace
At least
Please

Pain
And I’m not insane
Drugged up
Or you

It’s gone
Not wrong
This so long

Eternity
And I’m not believing
Giving in
Staying with you

A sigh
So high
Good-bye

Solution
And I’m not alone
Not yours
Or in misery… anymore

I’m me
Free
You see

For I’m “hanging”
In Heaven

Or from Hell considering…

Copyright © 2011, Will A. Bradford Jr. All rights reserved.